Episode I: The Phantom Instance It is still a time of great strife, as it almost always is, due to the fact that if it wasn't a time of great strife, it wouldn't be very interesting. The evil Mr Cotton and his 555 IC Chippers have seized control of the basic electronics industry of Magoo, a relatively unknown island which doesn't actually exist. Two programmers who are completely unrelated to the entire affair have somehow managed to locate this non-existant island but have been prevented from reaching the island by an evil tanker belonging to the 555 IC Chippers. Act I Scene I: The small boat the two programmers are on pulls up beside the great tanker. Act I Scene II: The programmers are sitting down in the cabin room. Queer-on Ginn: I've drank an unusual amount of beer for something as trivial as this meeting. Mr Powell: You didn't even know that we were going to have a meeting! Queer-on Ginn: Didn't I? Mr Powell: No! *Queer-on Ginn stands up, looking very unbalanced and walks to the window.* Queer-on Ginn: I've drank an- Mr Powell: You've said that already. Queer-on Ginn: Where are the toilets, I think I may have drunk an unusual- Mr Powell: They're over there. *He points at the blindingly obvious toilets with a large neon sign saying 'Toilets'.* Queer-on Ginn: Your insights serve you well. *The director visibly twitches.* Mr Powell: Just go to the toilet. *Queer-on Ginn staggers into the toilets, hitting his head on the neon sign.* Act I Scene III: Mr Cotton is sitting around with a few other people. Mr Cotton: Programmers, in here? Assistant: Yes sir, but it's perfectly safe, their programmes will not work on our computers, our computers our not advanced enough to be affected. Mr Cotton: We'd better send in the troops to be sure. Assistant: Yes sir. Act I Scene IV: Mr Powell is waiting in the cabin room. Mr Powell: I wonder when this damned meeting's going to happen... *Four wheely bins are pushed in through the door. Mr Powell looks at them. They do nothing. He continues to stare at them while they continue to do nothing.* Act I Scene V: Just outside the cabin, five IC troopers are waiting. Trooper #1: Do you think the bins will work? Trooper #2: Of course, they're very functional items. Trooper #1: No, do you think they'll assassinate the programmers? Trooper #3: Why would they? Trooper #1: Then why did we send them in? Trooper #4: Oh... I knew this one... We put them in to create a... erm... Trooper #3: Foul stench? Trooper #2: Functional waste disposal facility? Trooper #5: A diversion? Trooper #4: Yes! That's it! Now we have to go in through the back way. *The troopers run around to the back door.* Act I Scene VI: Inside the cabin, Mr Powell is taking a glance inside the wheely bins. The five troopers sneak up behind him, but one of them steps on a twig and it snaps. Trooper #5: Why would there be a twig on a boat in the middle of nowhere? *Mr Powell spins around and grabbing his keyboard, swings upwards into the nearest trooper's chin. He then activates the keyboard and kills the other four, as they discover that they have no actual weapons with which to offend or defend.* Mr Powell: Kiss my peripheral! *He returns his keyboard and behind him the trooper he merely knocked out stands up, and is poised to hit Mr Powell when Queer-on Ginn bursts out of the door, stumbles over onto the trooper and pins him to the ground.* Queer-on Ginn: Give me my drink!! Trooper #4: Get off me, you drunken lout! Queer-on Ginn: Lout?! I've been called a few things in my life but that just takes the biscuit. Give me my biscuit!! Trooper #4: You're crazy, get off of me! Queer-on Ginn: Give me my biscuit or I'll roger you to death!! Mr Powell: Queer-on, I think we should just kill him. Queer-on Ginn: Well can you take care of it? I need the toilet again. *Queer-on staggers back to the toilets.* Trooper #4: Are you gonna kill me? Mr Powell: I was just gonna rough you up a bit, but I've lost my appetite for killing, just get lost. *The trooper flees. Queer-on Ginn walks back out, and is even more ungainly as he hasn't pulled his trousers back up.* Mr Powell: Your trousers are around your ankles. Queer-on Ginn: Your insights serve you well. Mr Powell: I think we should leave... Queer-on Ginn: No, I have a better idea! Let's sneak into one of their rowing boats so that we have to make a desperate escape later, plus it will mean we'll get to Magoo rather faster since I drank the petrol for our boat. Mr Powell: You're oddly coherent, I don't think that's a good plan bearing in mind your apparent sobriety. Director: Just do it, it sounds fun. Mr Powell: *Sigh* Come on then, lets find a rowing boat. Act II Scene I: The daring programmers have found themselves ashore on Magoo, but they aren't alone in the rowing boat - the evil Mr Cotton himself is in the boat too, trying desperately to heave himself out of the boat. Queer-on Ginn: Let's get him! Director: NO!! He's a key character in Episode II, well, not really a key character... in fact he's even less active in that than in this... Mr Powell: Should we kill him? Mr Cotton: If you look, my left ear is lower than my right ear. Mr Powell: That's great. *Mr Powell activates his keyboard and kills Mr Cotton.* Mr Powell: God he was boring. Queer-on Ginn: I'd still fu- Mr Powell: No you wouldn't, so just stop there, we have to find that excrutiatingly annoying fish dude or whatever. Queer-on Ginn: Lead the way my young marzipan. Mr Powell: Don't you mean padawan? Director: *Jumping out of his seat.* No he damned well doesn't!! Mr Powell: Ok... marzipan actually sounds a hell of a lot better. *They walk off and find a perfectly normal looking human.* Mr Powell: Who are you? Jar-Jar Spinks: I'm Jar-Jar Spinks. Mr Powell: That's a rather unfortunate name. Jar-Jar Spinks: You've got a rather unfortunate face. Mr Powell: *Grabbing his keyboard.* Hey! Queer-on Ginn: Calm down, if he dies, I can't have a love storyline with him. Mr Powell: You aren't going to have a love storyline with him anyway. Queer-on Ginn: Oh... *He is very upset.* Jar-Jar Spinks: So what do you guys want? Mr Powell: We want to find Queen Mavis, can you take us to her? Jar-Jar Spinks: You after a bit of rumpy-pumpy eh? Mr Powell: No, not really, we just have to find her because she's integral to the storyline. Jar-Jar Spinks: I guess I might have a love storyline after all then. *He rubs his hands together.* Queer-on Ginn: No, I'm afraid Mr Bouncy has a love storyline, and then their son in the next film. Mr Powell: How did you know that? Queer-on Ginn: I'm not as stupid as I smell. Mr Powell: Thank god for that, but how did you know? Queer-on Ginn: Know what? Where are the toilets? Jar-Jar Spinks: It's a jungle, go where you want, just away from me. *Queer-on staggers off.* *Five minutes later.* *Queer-on staggers back.* Mr Powell: Trousers. *Queer-on pulls his trousers up.* Mr Powell: Toilet paper. *Queer-on removes the toilet paper from his head.* Queer-on Ginn: Look! Now I'm the happy tree!! Jar-Jar Spinks: He needs help, serious help. Mr Powell: He's not that bad when he's drunk. Jar-Jar Spinks: You mean he's sober? Mr Powell: Well, as close to sober as I've seen him, look, he's managing to balance with just his legs. Jar-Jar Spinks: Wow, even I have trouble with that sometimes. Mr Powell: Well quite, but I think we should go now, this is developing into a distinctly boring scene. Jar-Jar Spinks: Yeah. Act II Scene II: Theme Palace, Queen Mavis of Magoo is sitting on her throne, she is an attractive 14 year old. By her side is Mr Bouncy in his 20s. Queen Mavis: Is there nothing we can do to stop the evil invasion of the evil 555 IC chippers? Mr Bouncy: We could go into your room. Queen Mavis: Sounds good. You with the big beard. Flakgnaoeugbn: Yes? Queen Mavis: You have a stupid name. Captain Pancake, you sort out this threat. Cpt. Pancake: Yes ma'am. *Queen Mavis and Mr Bouncy run off into Queen Mavis's room.* *2 hours later.* *Queen Mavis and Mr Bouncy run back in, looking very hot and bothered.* Cpt. Pancake: So we're decided? Flakgnaoeugbn has the stupidest name. Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: I thought I had the stupidest name! Flakgnaoeugbn: You're name is n00bish next to mine! Director: My name's pretty stupid. Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: What is your name? Director: Forget I said anything. *Queer-on Ginn burts through a window. Mr Powell and Jar-Jar Spinks walk in through the door.* Cpt. Pancake: He's got a pretty stupid name. *He points to Queer-on.* Queen Mavis: How do you know? Cpt. Pancake: Forget I said anything. Flakgnaoeugbn: Memory purged. Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: Geek. Flakgnaoeugbn: n00b. Cpt. Pancake: w00t! Queen Mavis: w0t? Cpt. Pancake: Not w0t, w00t. Queen Mavis: I know, but w0t is w00t? Flakgnaoeugbn: No one actually knows what it means now, this new bastardised version of w00t. Back in the good old days everybody knew that w00t meant 'with overly old tights', but now that name no longer has any meaning. Mr Powell: Really? Flakgnaoeugbn: Nah, I just made it up. Writer: Can we just kill this Flakgnaoeugbn guy off? My hands really ache. Mr Powell: Aren't you the director? Writer: Wait until the credits. Queen Mavis: So what has caused Captain Pancake to say w00t? Writer: I don't know, I've been trying to stall that eventuality. Queer-on Jinn: How about he thought my window stunt was 1337? Writer: No... Cpt. Pancake: I know! It's Queen Mavis who now looks 9 months pregnant. Queen Mavis: What?! *She looks down to discover that she is in fact 9 months pregnant.* Mr Powell: What's going on? Flakgnaoeugbn: It's growing at film speed! Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: Someone call a doctor!! *Mr Powell flips a mobile phone out of his pocket.* Cheesy tune: The Carphone Warehouse *Doo dee doo* Mr Powell: Argh!! *Mr Powell drops his phone at the fear of the terrible jingle.* Cpt. Pancake: Argh!! Queen Mavis: What now? Cpt. Pancake: Sorry, I couldn't resist the peer pressure. Queen Mavis: Argh!! Flakgnaoeugbn: Resist the peer pressure your majesty. Queen Mavis: This isn't peer pressure, it's labour!! Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: Did anybody actually call a doctor? *Everybody exchanges glances.* Cpt. Pancake: What kind of a glance was that? Director: I don't know, just glance accusingly, or in a denial of blame. Mr Powell: God, do I have to do everything? Queen Mavis: Well if you actually looked back on the script you'd realise that ... yes you do. Mr Powell: *Sigh* I'll just plug my keyboard into the main computer, scramble the wave modulation until it sounds like a voice calling for a doctor and then transmit it to the main communications satellite which will reroute the message to the nearest hospital. Queen Mavis: Or you could just use the phone over there. Mr Powell: So there's been a phone there all the time and nobody thought to go over there and make the call? *Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn walks over to the phone and dials in the number.* Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: Yes, hello ... doctor ... it is an emergency ... sudden pregnancy due to film speed ... Theme Palace ... no, go easy on the pepper ... no I don't think the bowl of soup will be necessary ... yes I am free tonight ... my name is Sir Stockton Langfo-... oh, fair enough, I think it's a stupid name too ... but at least it's not as bad as Flakgnaoeugbn ... Flakgnaoeugbn ... never mind ... yes right away. Queen Mavis: Well? Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: They'll be here any minute with an American Hot pizza and garlic bread. Queen Mavis: Fair enough. *A doctor runs in through the door.* Doctor Jones: Did anybody call for a doctor? *A nurse runs in through the door.* Nurse Mary: Did anybody order a pizza? Cpt. Pancake: Well hellooooooo nurse! *Nurse Mary slaps Captain Pancake.* Cpt. Pancake: Fair enough. Doctor Jones: So did anybody call for a doctor? Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: I did, her majesty the Queen Mavis of Magoo is pregnant with a child that is growing at film speed. Doctor Jones: Deary me we shall have to be quick! Mr Powell: Well quite. Queen Mavis: Argh!! Mr Powell: Oh, looks like we wont be needing you doctor. *Camera pans to reveal Queen Mavis and her son, who is fully clothed and looks about 5 years old.* Mannequin: Yippee! Mr Powell: Shutup. Mannequin: I'm gonna be a jedi! Mr Powell: Perhaps I should reiterate ... SHUTUP! Mr Bouncy: We cannot possibly take care of this child, doctor, could you please take him to an orphans home, and name him Mannequin Bouncy! Doctor Jones: Certainly. Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: Don't worry about the film speed at the moment, it'll be a while until his next growth spurt. Doctor Jones: Very well. Mannequin: Goodbye mom! Queen Mavis: Yeah, whatever. *A tear rolls down Mannequin's face, evil music plays in the background.* Mr Powell: Could we get the orchestra out of here? They're kind of unsettling. Act III Scene I: Mr Cotton's assistant, Newt Sunray, is talking to somebody on Microsoft Video Conference. Newt Sunray: My lord, the island of Magoo is less heavily armoured than we had anticipated. ???: Excellent, begin your takeover. Newt Sunray: My lord, is that legal? ???: ... Yes. Newt Sunray: ... Really? ???: Yes, now begin landing your troops! Newt Sunray: *Looks at script.* I think we already have... ???: No time to lose eh? Newt Sunray: No, it appears not. ???: I am sending my apprentice, Darth Ward to help you. *An old man with a beard going all over his face steps into view.* ???: May the standard library be with you. *The screen fades.* Mr Bouncy: A programmer? Here? Newt Sunray: What are you doing here? Mr Bouncy: Oops, wrong scene! *Mr Bouncy runs off.* Newt Sunray: We're a bit lapse on security right now! Darth Ward: ... *Newt Sunray spins around to see Darth Ward standing ominously in the doorway. He gulps.* Newt Sunray: So ... you're a programmer then? Act III Scene II: The terribly disorganised Theme Palace has managed to get some order, but only because everybody has been taken capture by the 555 IC troops. But thankfully Mr Powell, Jar-Jar and slightly-less-thankfully Queer-on Ginn have managed to evade capture. Queer-on Ginn: I have a hand! Mr Powell: You mean you have a plan? Queer-on Ginn: You mean I don't have a hand? Mr Powell: *Sigh.* So what's the plan? Queer-on Ginn: Well, I go and seduce them with my wicked charm, then, while I'm busy engaging in- Mr Powell: Conversation. Queer-on Ginn: Exactly, you take the Queen and anybody else you can find with you a get out of here. Mr Powell: And what will you do? Queer-on Ginn: I hang around a bit until Darth Ward shows up, and then you can rescue me. Mr Powell: Darth who? Queer-on Ginn: Don't worry. Jar-Jar Spinks: Hey, shouldn't he fight this Ward dude slightly later, like after the kid's won at podracing? Mr Powell: Hmmmm, I think it's best to get it out of the way so we don't have to worry about it later. Jar-Jar Spinks: Fair enough. Hey, do you get any of this? Mr Powell: Not really. Jar-Jar Spinks: Good good. Queer-on Ginn: Now is my chance! Mr Powell: Go!! *Queer-on Ginn walks over to the 555 IC troopers.* Queer-on Ginn: Hello boys. Trooper #4: Not you again! Trooper #6: Take him prisoner! Queer-on Ginn: Wouldn't you rather take me some place else? Trooper #4: No, just prisoner. Trooper #7: Look over there! *Trooper #7 points to Mr Powell and Jar-Jar who are untying the ropes around the Queen and various other people.* Trooper #6: Don't let them escape! Especially not Flakgnaoeugbn, because he is due for execution for having a stupid name, as is Lord Stockton Langford Algedbarn! Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: That's Mr Stockton Langford Algedbarn to you, oh no wait, Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn! *Mr Powell, Jar-Jar and the others are making their way out of Theme Palace.* Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: Wait for me! Trooper #7: Why haven't we done anything? Trooper #5: Charge!! Trooper #6: Aren't you meant to be dead? Trooper #5: Oh yeah, sorry! *Trooper #5 falls to the floor.* Queer-on Ginn: So what do you think of my diversion? Trooper #7: Not bad, everybody seems to be escaping. *Darth Ward walks through the doors and activates one lead of his double keyboard. Queer-on burps and activates his keyboard.* Queer-on Ginn: Mannequin, get inside the ship! Mannequin: Ship? What ship? Why am I here? Queer-on Ginn: Stay where you are, don't get out of that cockpit! *Mannequin runs away. Darth Ward and Queer-on Ginn close...* Darth Ward: You foolish linear programmer, surely you must know the power of OOP? Queer-on Ginn: *Interested* No, tell me about it. Darth Ward: Well it's just really user-friendly, and it allows much more functionality. Queer-on Ginn: Really? *Mr Powell rushes and grabs Queer-on Ginn, throwing a pre-made special effect on the ground.* Act IV Scene I: Our heroes are on their way to the orphanage where Mannequin Bouncy is being raised. Queer-on Ginn: Where are we going? Mr Powell: We're going to see Mannequin Bouncy. Queer-on Ginn: Are we nearly there yet? Mr Powell: No, it'll still be a while before we get there. Queer-on Ginn: Why are we driving a TVR Chimera when this is supposed to be earlier than the previous films, or the next films, or is this later? I'm so confused... Mr Powell: I understand, sobriety can be confusing, when everybody is definately moving in a certain direction, and there's only one of everything. Queer-on Ginn: Oh well, I'll focus my new-found sobriety on learning OOP. *The car skids to a halt.* Mr Powell: No!! The OOP is the bad side!! Queer-on Ginn: Don't you mean dark side? Shameless plug: Copyright Lucasarts ©1977-2002. 'Lucasarts' is a registered trademark of Lucasarts. All rights reserved. Mr Powell: No, because every time we say that we have to acknowledge the copyright of it. Queer-on Ginn: You mean we get that plug every time I say 'dark side'? Shameless plug: Copyright Lucasarts ©1977-2002. 'Lucasarts' is a registered trademark of Lucasarts. All rights reserved. Mr Powell: Yes, so just shutup and have some of this brandy. Queer-on Ginn: *Sad* Oh, but I want Gin! Mr Powell: No! You know how that makes you go! Queer-on Ginn: What, gay? Mr Powell: Erm, I'm not allowed to say that, because it could be viewed as homophobic and prejudiced. Queer-on Ginn: I'll take that as a yes. So where's this gin then? Mr Powell: We don't have any, have this brandy. Queer-on Ginn: Meh, good enough. *They drive on. Act IV Scene II: Our heroes have finally reached the orphanage where Mannequin Bouncy is being raised. Mannequin looks about 15. Mr Powell: Hi, Mannequin! Mannequin: Who are you? Mr Powell: It's me, Mr Powell. Oh you've grown so fast, last time I saw you you were only 5 years old. Mannequin: Well now I'm somewhere in the region of 4 scenes old, and I feel about 15, but I'll be 16 so the age gap between me and my mother doesn't seem so much. Mr Powell: You should really forget about your mother soon. Mannequin: Okey-dokey. Queen Mavis: Hello, random orphan who I've never seen before and who isn't my son. Mannequin: *To Mr Powell* Who's she? She's beautiful... Mr Powell: Would you excuse me a moment, there's a bucket outside that's craving my vomit. *He runs out and can be heard throwing up. He walks back in and the camera swings around to show Mannequin and Mavis kissing. Powell runs out again and can be heard throwing up.* Jar-Jar Spinks: Well that is just plain wrong, what kinda sick storyline is this? *Show the writer, he is rocking in a corner scribbling on a piece of paper.* Writer: DIE PANCAKE DIE!!!! *Captain Pancake dies.* Jar-Jar Spinks: He wasn't even in this scene!! Writer: You're all mine now, my pretties!! Jar-Jar Spinks: The hell?! *Powell goes and kills the writer.* Jar-Jar Spinks: So now what do we do? Mr Powell: Improvise I guess, I mean, what should happen next to make the storyline fun. Queen Mavis: Would you like to see my bedroom? Jar-Jar Spinks: Not like that you sick bastards!!! *Mannequin has temporarily lost interest in his mother and is playing Episode I racer.* Queer-on Gin: I still can't believe we're betting your TVR on him winning this race. Mr Powell: WHAT?!?! Whatthe: Hehe, mind tricks don't work on me, only money. And nice cars. Mr Powell: Well what do we get if he wins? Queer-on Gin: Excuse me? Mr Powell: What has he bet that you will lose? Queer-on Gin: Something about slavery and alcohol, I got confused by him being computer animated and stuff. Mr Powell: Fair enough. Queen Mavis: By the way, I'm not Queen Mavis, I'm er... Panda... Newberry. Panda Newberry: I don't approve. Queen Mavis: You never do, I mean I never do, I mean... Jar-Jar Spinks: This would do my head in if I wasn't insane. Mr Powell: We really need a writer, or a director. Director: This is what happens when you kill the writer, I'm also dead. I think. I dunno, just finish the damned race kid. Mannequin: Yippee!! Queen Mavis: Haven't you grown out of that annoying stage and into another one where you moan about everything? Mannequin: Aren't you meant to be Panda Newberry? Mr Powell: You reject kid, you lost!! Queer-on Gin: Oh dear... Mr Powell: My TVR!!! Queer-on Gin: You win some you lose some eh? Mr Powell: Hold me back, I'm about to make an attempt to beat him. *Nobody moves.* Mr Powell: Well somebody stop me!! Queer-on Gin: Oh dear... *He swigs some vodka.* Time to take what I deserve. *He starts to undress.* Jar-Jar Spinks: No!!! Not that kind of punishment!! This improvisation really sucks. Is anyone up to taking on the job of the writer? Lord Stockton Langford Algedbarn: I'll do it. Jar-Jar Spinks: OK. *Breath of relief* Let's get going then! Mr Powell: *To Queer-on* Put your clothes back on!!! Queer-on Gin: Oh... Lord Stockton Langford Algedbarn: Sorry guys, I've got a writer's block, what should we do now? Mr Powell: Erm... how about you cut to the bad guys? Lord Stockton Langford Algedbarn: OK. Act IV Scene III: Wherever the bad guys are, I lose track being a good guy, since I'm technically not meant to know what the bad guys are doing. Darth Ward: ... Act V Scene I: Well that scene seemed to drag on a bit... Back at the orphanage. Panda Newberry: I wanna go back to Magoo. Queer-on Gin: Buh they'll forsh you do sign a treat. Mr Powell: Wow, he must be pretty drunk, so I see no reason why we should listen. Let's go. Panda Newberry: OK, cool, erm, how? Mr Powell: Oh yeah, my car... I have a plan. *Mr Powell walks up to Whatthe.* Mr Powell: Whatthe, I have a proposition for you. Whatthe: Mind tricks don't work on- Mr Powell: I know, I know. *He knocks Whatthe out with his keyboard and picks his keys out of his pocket.* Mr Powell: Let's go. Act V Scene II: Magoo. Jar-Jar Spinks: Hang on a second, how did all of us fit in one TVR? *Pan to sign saying 'Danger: Plot holes'.* Jar-Jar Spinks: Oh right. Mute Sunray: Ah, Queen Amida- I mean Queen Mavis herself! Queen Mavis: And now we're going to get you! Mute Sunray: Get her! Panda Newberry: Hello. Mute Sunray: This one's a decoy! All troopers: Error, multiple declaration, possible circular reference. Press OK to close application or Cancel to Debug. Mute Sunray: Oh no! My troops have crashed! Darth Ward: You cannot be defeated by what you cannot comprehend, and I don't have a clue what's going on. Mr Powell: Oh dear, Mannequin, get into that plane, but don't try to save the day. [To Queer-on] Stand back, I don't want to get hurt. *Mr Powell and Darth Ward fight while everybody else disappears from the scene with a badly edited cut.* *They fight for a long time and eventually get to a laser gatey sort of thing, Mr Powell and Darth Ward get through and eventually get to a completely pointless room with a big hole in it. Queer-on Gin walks through the laser gates.* Mr Powell: How did you do that? Queer-on Gin: It's not actually there, it's just post-production. Mr Powell: Oh... *Darth Ward knocks Powell to the pit, he somehow grabs onto some weird thing that's also completely pointless.* Queer-on Gin: Mummy!!! *He runs up to Darth Ward, arms flung open, and they both fall down the pointless pit.* Queer-on Gin: [Voice fading away] Cane the boy... Mr Powell: [Crying] Yes master. Queer-on Gin: [Fading further away...] He will bring ballast... Mr Powell: [Still crying] Yes master. Act V Scene III: Mr Powell returns to see that Mannequin is still in the ship. Mr Powell: What are you doing there?! Mannequin: You told me not to save the day! Mr Powell: But now we're all going to die!! Queen Mavis: Not so, Powell, my double and I managed to crash their entire system. Mr Powell: Oh... Well, that's good then. Queen Mavis: Have you been crying? Mr Powell: It's Queer-on... Queen Mavis: Oh no... *Mr Powell pulls out a cane and starts beating Mannequin.* Queen Mavis: What are you doing?! Mr Powell: Bring me ballast!! *Fade to...* Act V Scene IV: Powell is on the computer, on www.pr0gramm3rhq.com. Yoga: We have decided to upgrade your account to 'Veteran'. But as to you teaching the boy, we have decided to find him a job as a builder - he is remarkably good at bringing ballast. Mr Powell: But I want to train him in the ways of the programmer! Yoga: Queer-on's stupidness I sense in you... Very well, train the boy. mAc3 w1ndU: OMG HAHA STFU W0T ABOUT TEH DATRH WRAD?!?!!111 Yoda: Always two there are... The master and the apprentice. mAc3 w1ndU: HAHAHA LOLOLOL H4><0125 WH1CH 1 DID WE KIL???!!??/ Yoda: Who knows... Platypine: ... *Evil, dramatic music.*