Episode II: Attack of the Classes There is unrest in the Houses of Parliament. Several backbenchers have been woken up and have declared their need for the toilet. The Conservative party, under the leadership of the mysterious Count Howard, have stretched the abilities of programmers for some reason or another. Miss Mavis MP, the former Queen of Magoo, is returning to Parliament after a fling with an Australian beach warfler to vote on the matter of legalised prostitution, to assist the overwhelmed programmers... Act I Scene I: A VERY shiny thing drives up to Parliament, it's shiny because the people who made it were lazy. Miss Mavis: Ah, it's not been long enough. Cpt Token: No, m'lady. Do you like my eyepatch? Miss Mavis: You look rather dashing, though that bloke from Holby was more attractive. Cpt Token: Yes, m'lady. *The car pulls up. Miss Mavis and Captain Token step out.* Cpt Token: We made it. I guess I was wrong. There was no danger whatsoever. None at all. I could not have been any more wrong... *Pauses* Isn't the car meant to blow up or something? *The car blows up.* Cpt Token: Now that's what I call irony! Miss Mavis: You're sure it's not just an awful script? *They walk into the Houses of Parliament.* Platypine: I have just received word that an assassination attempt was made on the life of Miss Mavis, one of the greatest supporters of the legalised prostitution bill. Count Howard: This is ridiculous! You can't blame us, we went to such great efforts to cover the whole thing up! Platypine: ... Count Howard: I mean uh, but she's here now, so it's all okay right? Platypine: Order! Order! What shall we order? Count Howard: I fancy a Chinese! Platypine: But I'm well up for a kebab! Act I Scene II: Mannequin and Mr Powell are on their way to somewhere, where apparently they're about to meet Miss Mavis. Mannequin: I haven't seen her for years, except in my dreams and the like. Mr Powell: Oh God, I knew I should have brought a paper bag. Mannequin: What's the problem master? Mr Powell: Besides your acting? Nothing, you damned matriphile. Mannequin: What's that supposed to mean? Mr Powell: Just keep your mind on the job and off Miss Mavis, okay? Mannequin: Yes, master. *They arrive. Miss Mavis is there.* Miss Mavis: Manny! Mannequin: Don't call me that. Miss Mavis: I have a right to call you what I want. Mannequin: Why? Miss Mavis: Never mind. My how you've grown. Mannequin: So have you, grown more beautiful I mean. Mr Powell: Oh for crying out loud! Director: Cringeworthy, isn't it? Mr Powell: You're wrong, man! Miss Mavis: Master Powell, what about these people trying to kill me? Mr Powell: Good luck to 'em. Miss Mavis: What?! Mr Powell: Um.. Good ... luck ... to ... 'em? No wait, that was what I said before. Um... Whatever. Mannequin: We'll find them and hunt them down and slap 'em around and then tug on their hair and stuff and then kill them after we've lectured them about how much they suck! Mr Powell: Okay, he might be doing that, but I'm getting a taster of the night life around here. mAc3 w1ndU: j00 mu57 pr0t3c7 t3h M4v15!!11 Mr Powell: Okay, whatever. Manny, you've got my number right? Give us a tinkle if anything goes wrong, yeah? Jar-Jar Spinks: Can I come with? Mr Powell: Oh, GOD, not you! Jar-Jar Spinks: That was my only line! Mr Powell: Fair play, know any decent clubs? Jar-Jar Spinks: Um, Metro, Works, Sub12. Mr Powell: Cool, cool, catch you guys later. *Jar-Jar and Powell leave.* Act I Scene III: Miss Mavis is asleep in her room. Mannequin and Captain Token are watching her on a CCTV camera. Mannequin: Don't you think we should have told her about the camera? Cpt Token: We did! Mannequin: Maybe she forgot... Cpt Token: No, she just likes being naked on camera. Mannequin: Okay then... *Inside the room, Dam Weasel makes some form of attempt on Mavis's life. Mannequin rushes in to chase her, but is temporarily stunned by Miss Mavis in her nakedness.* Miss Mavis: Go get 'er soldier. Mannequin: Yes ma'am. *He continues to stare.* Miss Mavis: Piss off! *He chases after Dam Weasel. Dam Weasel has got into a rather flashy car. Mannequin finds an appropriate bicycle and flies after her. He eventually catches up with her and jumps into her car, causing it to swerve violently into a nightclub. Mr Powell rushes out to see what the commotion is about.* Mannequin: Master, she was trying to kill Miss Mavis! Mr Powell: Okay... I suppose we should probably report her to the police or something? Mannequin: No, that wont work! *He turns to Dam Weasel.* Why were you trying to kill Miss Mavis?!!!? Dam Weasel: It was just... a dare... Mr Powell: Well why didn't you just double dare them? Dam Weasel: Oh yeah... Damn that Tango! Mannequin: Tango? *Someone shoots Dam Weasel and runs off. Powell and Mannequin turn away in disgust.* Mr Powell: Eugh!! The other films weren't this graphic. Director: Saberdarts suck!! Mr Powell: Fair dues... Mannequin: Master, do you think he might have meant Tango Fat? Mr Powell: I hope so, that'd save us the difficulty of coming up with a parody of the diner and rubbish... Mannequin: Yeah, I hear he's often seen at the Naughty Hellfire's club in Soho Square. Mr Powell: Right then! I'll deal with Tango, you can go and uh... consult the programmer's council about what to do. Mannequin: But master, why can't I come? Mr Powell: Because you're underaged, even though you would make a good wingman... How do you fancy donning a bad false moustache? Mannequin: I'll go speak to the council! Act I Scene IV: At the Programmers HQ, Mannequin has turned up to receive his orders. mAc3 w1ndU: t3h m4v15 iS n07 54f3 h3r3!11 j00 mu57 74|<3 h3r 2 h3r h0m3 c0n5t17u3nCy!11 h4><0125!!!!!!111 lololol Mannequin: You'd speak a lot faster if you spoke normally... Yoga: Speak normally none of us do! Mannequin: Well that is true... *Mannequin leaves.* mAc3 w1ndU: Golly it is a lot of effort to speak 1337 isn't it? Yoga: Speaking backwards is a lot easier, I recommend it.